Stories
Women's Stories
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If you or your partner have chosen a termination and would like to share your story, please email
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If the stories below raise any issues you would like to discuss with a counsellor, please contact Children by Choice.
- Merike's story
- Kelly's story
- Anna's story
- Kate's story
- Nicolle's story
- Megan's story
- Ana's story
- Ella's story
- Anye's story
- Simone's story
- Christine's story
- Rachel's story
- Edna's story
Merike’s story…
It is incredible that we are still fighting this issue in 2009!
I was married in 1961 when "contraception" was a taboo subject and my partner and I had to talk to the pharmacist in whispers for information. Unfortunately the condom/pull-out-in-time advice did not work. Then came the "pill" but I was one of the '1 in 200 women' for whom the pill failed. So I have two children!
My husband and I have enough university degrees between us to wallpaper a dunny wall with, we are educated and intelligent, but all contraceptives failed and I got pregnant again. Luckily I was among the first women in NSW to undergo "vacuum aspiration" rather than the usual "curettage" (and I was the first woman in the NSW Public Service to write "elective termination of pregnancy" on her sick-leave form). I can tell you that I literally floated down the steps of the hospital after the abortion. I was so happy, I had my life restored to me. There were no "regrets" or trauma etc.
It is my life, my body, my decision. Why do people want to interfere in an issue which has nothing to do with them?
Even though, happily, I am now past the age of worrying about getting pregnant, and so are my daughters, I still fight for the right of all women to determine their own life (forcing a woman to use her body to incubate a baby is akin to slavery).
Kelly's story...
When I was 16 I was sexually assaulted by a man whom I knew well and had considered a friend. I decided to keep it a secret - to avoid the shame of details being made public, to avoid the social fallout, and to avoid my parents knowing what hat happened. I took the morning-after pill, and tried not to think any more about it. A few weeks later I was overdue for my period and a test confirmed my worst fears - I had fallen pregnant to my rapist.
I had a vague idea of my options, and none of them were good. I could bear and raise the child of the man who raped me, I could carry the pregnancy then give up the child for adoption/foster care, or I could have an abortion. It was not an easy decision, and there was a lot of misinformation given to me, which made me very confused and anxious.
Eventually I chose to terminate the pregnancy as I did not think I could cope with the trauma of having an unwanted baby after being assaulted, as well as trying to finish high school. It would have been devastating to me, and I was already struggling to cope with emotional trauma. Arriving at the clinic on the day of my appointment I was accosted by pro-life protestors. They tried to tell me that I was selfish, uncaring and a murderer. One 'preacher' told me that I must not punish the child for my sins. I was angry that he assumed the pregnancy was my fault, and also that he would regard a child as punishment! Eventually, I managed to get inside, and the staff were very reassurring and the cousellor made a point of ensuring that I was making a decision of my own free will. The procedure itself went smoothly, with no complications or compromise to my health. Afterwards, I did feel sadness, but also immense relief. I was able to finish high school and move on with my life.
Now I am working full-time after graduating university, and looking forward to having children with a man of my own choice, and being able to raise them with the love, time and family support which they deserve.
Anna’s story…
I am 48 years old with two wonderful children.
I had an abortion when I was 28 and I think it was the right decision for both me and my partner at the time. I have absolutely no regret and was not traumatised by it.
I feel that 20 years ago I was able to easily find a practitioner in NSW who would conduct a surgical termination. I feel that today my options would be far more limited because of the lesser numbers of practitioners willing to perform this procedure. This is disastrous for women.
Women should have the right to choose for themselves.
Practitioners should feel safe to perform this procedure if they so choose to do this type of work.
Kate's story...
I am pro-choice because I can’t imagine thinking it is anyone’s right, apart from a pregnant woman, to make a decision about that pregnancy. The women in my family, despite huge differences in age, experiences and beliefs, all support women’s right to choose.
My sister and I were both brought up to be strong women, to have confidence in our ability to make our own choices and live our own lives, and have respect for how other people live theirs. Other people’s choices about pregnancy and abortion are just that – other people’s choices – and they should be free to make them as best they can without interference. The fact that women should still face prosecution for choosing abortion seems almost medieval!
I have supported friends through both abortion and through parenting, and seen the difference in the way they were treated, and the recent trial in Cairns was something I hope to see never repeated. Trust women and decriminalise abortion now.
Nicolle’s story…
My name is Nicolle. I am aged 32 and live with my husband Brad and my 2 beautiful children - Emily who is 4 and Lachlan who is 3.
This debate is one that is particularly close to my heart as in May 2006 we had to make a decision at 20 weeks whether to terminate our third pregnancy. In late 2005 I had a tubal ligation to prevent any further pregnancies so as to preserve a fragile vertebrae. In January 2006, I found out I was pregnant. Over the next few months my husband, my kids and I got used to the fact that we were going to have baby number 3.
The 12-week ultrasound went past with no problems so we did up the nursery, bought a bigger car and picked out names.
In April 2006 I went for my routine 19-week ultrasound. I was expecting that I was going to find out if it was a healthy boy or a girl but my dreams were shattered when we learned that our baby girl – Zara - had hyperplastic left heart syndrome with a double outlet right ventricle and polycystic kidneys. The lady doing the ultrasound told us “there is no chance for babies like this”. These words will forever echo in my mind. We were referred to a cardiologist, and our obstetrician suggested an amnio to see if the problem was genetic. The doctor advised us that because my pregnancy was so far along if I wanted the amnio results back in time to terminate I had to pay an urgency fee of around $700.
We went home and got on the internet and then met with cardiologist. We found out there was hope, slim hope, but hope. If we moved closer to a specialist hospital we could have 3 lots of surgery over 3 years that would give our little girl an 80% chance of living a happy healthy life like any other child. This was too good of a chance not to take it. We copped criticism from friends and family who thought we were being inhumane and we made the wrong choice, but I would take those odds any day, BUT that is my choice and no-one else’s.
The next 2 days were like a fairy tale, I had 20 weeks to prepare for my little girl, my sick little girl to be born. But three days later – at 19 weeks pregnancy and 6 days – our ob called and said he needed to see us urgently. We had forgotten about the amnio. We saw him at 8.00 pm that night and he advised us our little girl had velo-cardial facial syndrome aka De George syndrome or sphrintzen syndrome and this was very rare. He said that our little girl, on top of her heart and kidney issues, could have a number of other issues such as cleft palette, immune deficiency, muscle problems, no uterus, no anus, hearing problems, learning difficulties, sight issues etc: all of which would impact on her quality of life if in fact she survived to be born.
Then the big whammy hit me ... whatever decision we made had to be made then and there as I was 19 weeks and 6 days and after 20 weeks, the choice would be taken out of my hands. A hospital committee would decide whether I could have a termination or not.
So I had to make a decision without talking to my GP or my mum or my kids. The three of us discussed it but in the end chose a dignified end for Zara. The next day she was born by C Section.
This decision was not a hard decision, but to have been put in a position where we had to make it was the hardest thing we ever faced. The thing that has hurt the most have been the comments from people afterwards about “how strong we were to do something like that” or “I could never have made that choice” or “glad it was you not me I think I would have taken the other odds”. How do they know what they would or wouldn’t have done? And anyway, it wasn’t about them. It was OUR decision.
This is a decision that can and should only be made by the parents of the baby. No one carries a baby for 20 weeks and makes a decision like this without justification or a lot of consideration. The problem is that with a strict deadline of 20 weeks couples may not be able to give it adequate consideration.
What if we could not have afforded the urgency fee? What if my ob hadn’t read the results until the next day? What if my ultrasound was a day later? What if the ultrasound place wasn’t switched on enough to ask for an amnio so quickly? What if ... what if ... what if? There are too many anomalies to have a strict 20 week cut off ... if my cards had not fallen the way they did and if I didn’t get my results when I did, I would not have been able to make the decision I did when I did. I would have been FORCED to carry Zara, knowing her conditions were incompatible with life. Who has the right to tell me I MUST carry my baby knowing what I knew.
If Zara had survived until term and she was born, I had the immediate right to choose ”no further medical treatment”. How is that different to when I am pregnant with her, I am her mother and I am her guardian and I have the right to make decisions, medical or otherwise, on her behalf.
Sometimes you are not aware of conditions until later in a pregnancy and sometimes further testing and second opinions are needed. Who sets the time frames and what is taken into account when 20-week time frames are set?
Megan's story
Abortion is a personal moral issue, not a criminal one.
I am a Christian. My grandfather is a Lutheran pastor, I was raised by loving christian parents and I believe in God and try to lead a good life. The church teaches us what is the ultimate good and encourages us to avoid sinning (lying, abortion, war, adultery, "pulling a sicky", abuse of addictive substances, etc). However, the church also knows that no-one is free of sin and it is not up to us, or the church, or the state to differentiate between sins - which is the greater and the lesser.
Criminalisation of abortion, no matter if abortion is believed to be a sin or not, is unjust - taking away women's rights, and only women's rights - and the state needs to change that.
If I happened to be in a situation of having to make the decision for abortion myself, it will be between me, my family and God to decide based on my own circumstances. I should not, nor should any other woman be made a criminal for doing so. If a woman is raped and so becomes pregnant and chooses to have an abortion, is she a criminal just as the person who raped her?
Ana's story
I'm 24, and I was not ready and did not want a child. THIS IS MY CHOICE> MY OPINION> MY BODY.
So I chose to terminate. I got the run around from 2 doctors who did not want to see me to give me "just advice" and the third gave me an option of a medical procedure. I didn't want to go under anesthesia, when I had heard that I could just take a few tablets in 48 hours and not have to go under the knife.
All I wanted was all the possible information about every option i had. But it seemed I only had two choices, a operation, or go through with carrying a child that was unwanted, and that I felt I was not ready to have. But now it seems that in the far north no one is even willing to offer an abortion at all. I know the other young lady [who was charged, and later acquitted] was sent to court for taking a tablet that I was prescribed in a clininc in the far north. It's so unfair that she has had to go through a termination as well as be publicly shamed and named. As for this point in time, I know the clinic I went to has stopped prescribing this pill all together due to all the legal hype.
I feel very strongly that it is a womans right and no one elses for her choice about her body and her life. no one elses. and if this choice is taken from you, backyard abortions happen. It should be a private and safe from discrimination decision, just like any other medical procedure that you have the choice to have.
I was told the only reason I was able to legally have an abortion was that it was done via a loop hole in the medical system.
I really didn't care as long as I could have a choice. I have never regretted my choice. I would travel to another state or country and do it again if I needed to. Its very sad that women here in my state don't have a choice. it's very sad for womens rights - how backwards this is!
Ella’s Story
My name is Ella. I live with my husband and 3 children, aged 8, 5 and 3.
We fell pregnant with our second child, James, in 2001 – a very much-wanted baby. I had no problems with my first pregnancy so I had no inkling that anything would be wrong with my second until we got to the 12 week scan.
At the 12-week scan they first identified an exomphalos abnormality. This meant that all of his internal organs were developing outside of his body. Also at the 12-week scan they detected a very thick nuchal fold and potential heart defects. A CVS revealed severe chromosomal problems.
We had several meetings with the geneticists about the chromosomal problems but, as they had never seen such a case before, they just couldn’t tell us in any detail what to expect, and this was incredibly frustrating. The team doing the ultrasounds recommended that we came back in 2 weeks time when our baby’s heart would be bigger.
I wasn’t prepared to make the decision not to keep the pregnancy at that time so I was prepared to wait. I waited until 16 weeks. It was absolute torture because I was looking more pregnant and I could feel him moving. I kept asking myself ‘if he survived the operation to put his organs back in, what kind of a life would he have?’.
Unfortunately there was no positive or concrete answer. At 16.5 weeks we decided not to continue with the pregnancy. It was the worst thing I could ever imagine doing. My parents wanted me to think of my quality of life (of my marriage and my daughter at the time) - I disagreed immensely with them. I wanted to make the best decision for his life and his life only.
I’ve never regretted it. For me the most important thing now is to continue acknowledging him. We do that through trees planted in his memory. Releasing balloons at the forest where we planted them on his anniversary and placing a teddy bear angel in his honour on our Christmas tree every year. I also buy presents for a disadvantaged boy that is the age he would have been and donate them each Christmas.
Some women lose children they have had for some time and that is tragic beyond belief. I lost the dream of a child and I think that is equally devastating.
I look at all of the debate going on about abortion laws and I just can’t believe that politicians could apply a blanket policy for circumstances that are so unique and individual. They have no right. What I experienced was so incredibly personal and painful. It was my choice to make and that made the loss even harder. I had to decide this was no life for a child of mine. But thank god I had that choice. It could only have been mine. I am his mother, he is my child.
Anye's story...
There are so many reasons for being pro choice. Here is four:
1. It is my right to decide when I have a child. It is my body!
2. Having the right to have a pregnancy termination and having access to termination services empowers women in making the decisions in their lives that they feel are right for them. Often these decisions are made in the context of relationships and employment opportunities.
3. Australia is so far behind.... it is a disgrace that in a developed country to have such antiquated laws.... Come on Australia, it is supposed to be a modern country....
4. Pro-choice means that the medical community can freely offer the services required by pro-choice women
The list could continue...
Simone’s story…
I still very clearly remember the day when I found out I was pregnant. I was 23 and had recently separated from Tom who I had been living with for a year. I took one look at the pregnancy test and was in shock, but I knew that I didn’t want to continue with the pregnancy.
I had certain ideals in my mind of what kind of a life I wanted to provide for my child, and what kind of mother I wanted to be. After sitting down and analysing my situation at the time, it was obvious that I was far from meeting those. I also knew that if I was going to have a child with Tom then we would need to trust and commit to each other. But I knew I couldn’t rely on him. To add to this, he would never have been my first pick as the father of my child. I spoke to Tom about the pregnancy. He made it clear he preferred me not to go ahead with it, but he said he’d support whatever decision I made.
After talking it through with a close friend, I decided to have an abortion. I rang a clinic nearby and booked in to have a termination the next week. I was 8 weeks pregnant. The doctor and nursing staff at the clinic were lovely and went out of their way to ensure that I understood everything to do with the procedure. They also asked me why I wanted a termination, discussed my decision with me at length and explained that I could change my mind at any time. But I was confident I was making the best decision for me at the time.
Even today I still feel I made the right decision.
The recent debate on abortion has brought back a lot of memories for me and it has also made me stop and reflect on the tragic fact that abortion is still a crime in Victoria. I don’t feel I committed a crime. What I did was exercised my right to decide when I would become a mother by undertaking a common medical procedure performed by an experienced doctor.
Only a handful of people know that I have had a termination. This is firstly because it is a very personal decision but also because I think there’s probably still a real stigma attached to it in society - which isn’t at all helped by the law. Having a look at the media on the issue to date, I haven’t really heard many women’s voices, just a lot of politicians (mainly men) airing their own views about what is right and what isn’t.
As a Victorian woman who very capably made the decision to have a termination, I strongly believe that abortion should be removed from the Crimes Act. If a woman decides to have an abortion, it’s no one’s business but hers and her doctor’s and anyone else she decides to tell. The decision itself is difficult enough without everyone involved looking nervous and writing answers on forms so no one goes to gaol.
Christine's story...
Why do I support the choice of women to decide if they require an abortion? My reasoning is based on compassionate and ethical grounds.
I have never had an abortion, however, I believe this choice should always be available to any woman who decides it is necessary. It is their decision to make, not mine. Every woman must decide for herself, based upon her circumstances and that of the prospective child. This decision cannot ever be considered to be lightly made. Consider the available options:
Option 1. Placement of child into an institution
Statistics show that children in institutions and foster care are frequently subjected to harsh and punitive treatment and/or sexual abuse. Studies indicate that many of these children suffer lifelong trauma and personality disorders as a result. Would any caring mother wish to choose this option ... and does the child have a choice?
Option 2. Keeping the child
Women are in the best position to know their circumstances fully - perhaps the father of the child is violent, psychologically abusive, unfit, or unwilling to be a parent. Who is prepared to bring a child into such an unsuitable situation? Would that be a responsible choice? Would this option allow for development in a loving, stable and nurturing environment?
Option 3. Relinquishing the child for adoption
While this may seem a reasonable choice to some, please remember that there are already far too many sad and deprived little children waiting within institutional walls. Children who are past the baby stage still need caring homes. If a couple genuinely want a child they could look no further. The 'baby market' of adoption is not the answer. If you were the child in question would you want to be taken from your mother at birth, separated from your natural family ... and placed up for adoption?
No ... no and no! Abortion is a far better option.
There are many reasons why an abortion may be preferable. Financial circumstances, homelessness, poor health, unstable partnership or lack of support, family size, care needs of other children/family members, severe physical or mental impairment in the developed foetus etc. The choice to terminate an unplanned pregnancy, for whatever reason, is something that only the person involved can decide upon.
I find it truly disturbing that the State should regulate women's lives to such an extent as to actively deny abortion, except upon their own limited terms. It would be a hard enough decision for any woman to make; the sooner that decision is made and acted upon, the better.
The State should provide facilitated access to safe medical facilities, allowing for the operation to be performed as soon as possible. This is vital to the health and safety of women. Too many lives have already been lost through backyard abortions. Will the State take responsibility for the cost in women's lives, due to the fear of criminal proceedings since the Cairns arrests? (I think not) Decriminalisation of abortion is compassionate, ethical ... and long overdue!
Rachel's story...
In July 1978, I was a single Mom and realized that I was ovulating just hours after I had had unprotected sex. I went to my doctor and she prescribed the "day after pill" which brought on my period within days. Yes, the "day after pill" was available in Canada since at least that time.
If the "day after pill" was available in Australia it would eliminate costly, embarrasing and heart wrenching anxiety in women who find that the time is just not right to have a child.
Edna’s story…
In 1942 Edna Lavilla Haynes died from a backyard abortion. She was thirty-five years old with five children, two of them illegitimate. After her death the children lost contact and Edna was never mentioned again.
Her youngest daughter had no photos, no memories; only the recollection of a newspaper being hidden away and the family's shame. More than sixty years later Edna's grand-daughter, ABC radio journalist Euridice Aroney, looks for clues. Her search that takes us through police files and government records, down Sydney's back alleys of the 1940s, where one in four pregnancies ended in abortion and sometimes death.
This program won Best Radio Feature in the Australian Walkley Awards 2007 and was highly commended at the Third Coast International Audio Festival in Chicago 2007. Read the ABC Radio Eye story The Search for Edna Lavilla.
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If you or your partner have chosen a termination and would like to share your story, please email This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it . Alternatively please share the This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it .
If the stories below raise any issues you would like to discuss with a counsellor, please contact Children by Choice.
- Merike's story
- Kelly's story
- Anna's story
- Kate's story
- Nicolle's story
- Megan's story
- Ana's story
- Ella's story
- Anye's story
- Simone's story
- Christine's story
- Rachel's story
- Edna's story
Merike’s story…
It is incredible that we are still fighting this issue in 2009!
I was married in 1961 when "contraception" was a taboo subject and my partner and I had to talk to the pharmacist in whispers for information. Unfortunately the condom/pull-out-in-time advice did not work. Then came the "pill" but I was one of the '1 in 200 women' for whom the pill failed. So I have two children!
My husband and I have enough university degrees between us to wallpaper a dunny wall with, we are educated and intelligent, but all contraceptives failed and I got pregnant again. Luckily I was among the first women in NSW to undergo "vacuum aspiration" rather than the usual "curettage" (and I was the first woman in the NSW Public Service to write "elective termination of pregnancy" on her sick-leave form). I can tell you that I literally floated down the steps of the hospital after the abortion. I was so happy, I had my life restored to me. There were no "regrets" or trauma etc.
It is my life, my body, my decision. Why do people want to interfere in an issue which has nothing to do with them?
Even though, happily, I am now past the age of worrying about getting pregnant, and so are my daughters, I still fight for the right of all women to determine their own life (forcing a woman to use her body to incubate a baby is akin to slavery).
Kelly's story...
When I was 16 I was sexually assaulted by a man whom I knew well and had considered a friend. I decided to keep it a secret - to avoid the shame of details being made public, to avoid the social fallout, and to avoid my parents knowing what hat happened. I took the morning-after pill, and tried not to think any more about it. A few weeks later I was overdue for my period and a test confirmed my worst fears - I had fallen pregnant to my rapist.
I had a vague idea of my options, and none of them were good. I could bear and raise the child of the man who raped me, I could carry the pregnancy then give up the child for adoption/foster care, or I could have an abortion. It was not an easy decision, and there was a lot of misinformation given to me, which made me very confused and anxious.
Eventually I chose to terminate the pregnancy as I did not think I could cope with the trauma of having an unwanted baby after being assaulted, as well as trying to finish high school. It would have been devastating to me, and I was already struggling to cope with emotional trauma. Arriving at the clinic on the day of my appointment I was accosted by pro-life protestors. They tried to tell me that I was selfish, uncaring and a murderer. One 'preacher' told me that I must not punish the child for my sins. I was angry that he assumed the pregnancy was my fault, and also that he would regard a child as punishment! Eventually, I managed to get inside, and the staff were very reassurring and the cousellor made a point of ensuring that I was making a decision of my own free will. The procedure itself went smoothly, with no complications or compromise to my health. Afterwards, I did feel sadness, but also immense relief. I was able to finish high school and move on with my life.
Now I am working full-time after graduating university, and looking forward to having children with a man of my own choice, and being able to raise them with the love, time and family support which they deserve.
Anna’s story…
I am 48 years old with two wonderful children.
I had an abortion when I was 28 and I think it was the right decision for both me and my partner at the time. I have absolutely no regret and was not traumatised by it.
I feel that 20 years ago I was able to easily find a practitioner in NSW who would conduct a surgical termination. I feel that today my options would be far more limited because of the lesser numbers of practitioners willing to perform this procedure. This is disastrous for women.
Women should have the right to choose for themselves.
Practitioners should feel safe to perform this procedure if they so choose to do this type of work.
Kate's story...
I am pro-choice because I can’t imagine thinking it is anyone’s right, apart from a pregnant woman, to make a decision about that pregnancy. The women in my family, despite huge differences in age, experiences and beliefs, all support women’s right to choose.
My sister and I were both brought up to be strong women, to have confidence in our ability to make our own choices and live our own lives, and have respect for how other people live theirs. Other people’s choices about pregnancy and abortion are just that – other people’s choices – and they should be free to make them as best they can without interference. The fact that women should still face prosecution for choosing abortion seems almost medieval!
I have supported friends through both abortion and through parenting, and seen the difference in the way they were treated, and the recent trial in Cairns was something I hope to see never repeated. Trust women and decriminalise abortion now.
Nicolle’s story…
My name is Nicolle. I am aged 32 and live with my husband Brad and my 2 beautiful children - Emily who is 4 and Lachlan who is 3.
This debate is one that is particularly close to my heart as in May 2006 we had to make a decision at 20 weeks whether to terminate our third pregnancy. In late 2005 I had a tubal ligation to prevent any further pregnancies so as to preserve a fragile vertebrae. In January 2006, I found out I was pregnant. Over the next few months my husband, my kids and I got used to the fact that we were going to have baby number 3.
The 12-week ultrasound went past with no problems so we did up the nursery, bought a bigger car and picked out names.
In April 2006 I went for my routine 19-week ultrasound. I was expecting that I was going to find out if it was a healthy boy or a girl but my dreams were shattered when we learned that our baby girl – Zara - had hyperplastic left heart syndrome with a double outlet right ventricle and polycystic kidneys. The lady doing the ultrasound told us “there is no chance for babies like this”. These words will forever echo in my mind. We were referred to a cardiologist, and our obstetrician suggested an amnio to see if the problem was genetic. The doctor advised us that because my pregnancy was so far along if I wanted the amnio results back in time to terminate I had to pay an urgency fee of around $700.
We went home and got on the internet and then met with cardiologist. We found out there was hope, slim hope, but hope. If we moved closer to a specialist hospital we could have 3 lots of surgery over 3 years that would give our little girl an 80% chance of living a happy healthy life like any other child. This was too good of a chance not to take it. We copped criticism from friends and family who thought we were being inhumane and we made the wrong choice, but I would take those odds any day, BUT that is my choice and no-one else’s.
The next 2 days were like a fairy tale, I had 20 weeks to prepare for my little girl, my sick little girl to be born. But three days later – at 19 weeks pregnancy and 6 days – our ob called and said he needed to see us urgently. We had forgotten about the amnio. We saw him at 8.00 pm that night and he advised us our little girl had velo-cardial facial syndrome aka De George syndrome or sphrintzen syndrome and this was very rare. He said that our little girl, on top of her heart and kidney issues, could have a number of other issues such as cleft palette, immune deficiency, muscle problems, no uterus, no anus, hearing problems, learning difficulties, sight issues etc: all of which would impact on her quality of life if in fact she survived to be born.
Then the big whammy hit me ... whatever decision we made had to be made then and there as I was 19 weeks and 6 days and after 20 weeks, the choice would be taken out of my hands. A hospital committee would decide whether I could have a termination or not.
So I had to make a decision without talking to my GP or my mum or my kids. The three of us discussed it but in the end chose a dignified end for Zara. The next day she was born by C Section.
This decision was not a hard decision, but to have been put in a position where we had to make it was the hardest thing we ever faced. The thing that has hurt the most have been the comments from people afterwards about “how strong we were to do something like that” or “I could never have made that choice” or “glad it was you not me I think I would have taken the other odds”. How do they know what they would or wouldn’t have done? And anyway, it wasn’t about them. It was OUR decision.
This is a decision that can and should only be made by the parents of the baby. No one carries a baby for 20 weeks and makes a decision like this without justification or a lot of consideration. The problem is that with a strict deadline of 20 weeks couples may not be able to give it adequate consideration.
What if we could not have afforded the urgency fee? What if my ob hadn’t read the results until the next day? What if my ultrasound was a day later? What if the ultrasound place wasn’t switched on enough to ask for an amnio so quickly? What if ... what if ... what if? There are too many anomalies to have a strict 20 week cut off ... if my cards had not fallen the way they did and if I didn’t get my results when I did, I would not have been able to make the decision I did when I did. I would have been FORCED to carry Zara, knowing her conditions were incompatible with life. Who has the right to tell me I MUST carry my baby knowing what I knew.
If Zara had survived until term and she was born, I had the immediate right to choose ”no further medical treatment”. How is that different to when I am pregnant with her, I am her mother and I am her guardian and I have the right to make decisions, medical or otherwise, on her behalf.
Sometimes you are not aware of conditions until later in a pregnancy and sometimes further testing and second opinions are needed. Who sets the time frames and what is taken into account when 20-week time frames are set?
Megan's story
Abortion is a personal moral issue, not a criminal one.
I am a Christian. My grandfather is a Lutheran pastor, I was raised by loving christian parents and I believe in God and try to lead a good life. The church teaches us what is the ultimate good and encourages us to avoid sinning (lying, abortion, war, adultery, "pulling a sicky", abuse of addictive substances, etc). However, the church also knows that no-one is free of sin and it is not up to us, or the church, or the state to differentiate between sins - which is the greater and the lesser.
Criminalisation of abortion, no matter if abortion is believed to be a sin or not, is unjust - taking away women's rights, and only women's rights - and the state needs to change that.
If I happened to be in a situation of having to make the decision for abortion myself, it will be between me, my family and God to decide based on my own circumstances. I should not, nor should any other woman be made a criminal for doing so. If a woman is raped and so becomes pregnant and chooses to have an abortion, is she a criminal just as the person who raped her?
Ana's story
I'm 24, and I was not ready and did not want a child. THIS IS MY CHOICE> MY OPINION> MY BODY.
So I chose to terminate. I got the run around from 2 doctors who did not want to see me to give me "just advice" and the third gave me an option of a medical procedure. I didn't want to go under anesthesia, when I had heard that I could just take a few tablets in 48 hours and not have to go under the knife.
All I wanted was all the possible information about every option i had. But it seemed I only had two choices, a operation, or go through with carrying a child that was unwanted, and that I felt I was not ready to have. But now it seems that in the far north no one is even willing to offer an abortion at all. I know the other young lady [who was charged, and later acquitted] was sent to court for taking a tablet that I was prescribed in a clininc in the far north. It's so unfair that she has had to go through a termination as well as be publicly shamed and named. As for this point in time, I know the clinic I went to has stopped prescribing this pill all together due to all the legal hype.
I feel very strongly that it is a womans right and no one elses for her choice about her body and her life. no one elses. and if this choice is taken from you, backyard abortions happen. It should be a private and safe from discrimination decision, just like any other medical procedure that you have the choice to have.
I was told the only reason I was able to legally have an abortion was that it was done via a loop hole in the medical system.
I really didn't care as long as I could have a choice. I have never regretted my choice. I would travel to another state or country and do it again if I needed to. Its very sad that women here in my state don't have a choice. it's very sad for womens rights - how backwards this is!
Ella’s Story
My name is Ella. I live with my husband and 3 children, aged 8, 5 and 3.
We fell pregnant with our second child, James, in 2001 – a very much-wanted baby. I had no problems with my first pregnancy so I had no inkling that anything would be wrong with my second until we got to the 12 week scan.
At the 12-week scan they first identified an exomphalos abnormality. This meant that all of his internal organs were developing outside of his body. Also at the 12-week scan they detected a very thick nuchal fold and potential heart defects. A CVS revealed severe chromosomal problems.
We had several meetings with the geneticists about the chromosomal problems but, as they had never seen such a case before, they just couldn’t tell us in any detail what to expect, and this was incredibly frustrating. The team doing the ultrasounds recommended that we came back in 2 weeks time when our baby’s heart would be bigger.
I wasn’t prepared to make the decision not to keep the pregnancy at that time so I was prepared to wait. I waited until 16 weeks. It was absolute torture because I was looking more pregnant and I could feel him moving. I kept asking myself ‘if he survived the operation to put his organs back in, what kind of a life would he have?’.
Unfortunately there was no positive or concrete answer. At 16.5 weeks we decided not to continue with the pregnancy. It was the worst thing I could ever imagine doing. My parents wanted me to think of my quality of life (of my marriage and my daughter at the time) - I disagreed immensely with them. I wanted to make the best decision for his life and his life only.
I’ve never regretted it. For me the most important thing now is to continue acknowledging him. We do that through trees planted in his memory. Releasing balloons at the forest where we planted them on his anniversary and placing a teddy bear angel in his honour on our Christmas tree every year. I also buy presents for a disadvantaged boy that is the age he would have been and donate them each Christmas.
Some women lose children they have had for some time and that is tragic beyond belief. I lost the dream of a child and I think that is equally devastating.
I look at all of the debate going on about abortion laws and I just can’t believe that politicians could apply a blanket policy for circumstances that are so unique and individual. They have no right. What I experienced was so incredibly personal and painful. It was my choice to make and that made the loss even harder. I had to decide this was no life for a child of mine. But thank god I had that choice. It could only have been mine. I am his mother, he is my child.
Anye's story...
There are so many reasons for being pro choice. Here is four:
1. It is my right to decide when I have a child. It is my body!
2. Having the right to have a pregnancy termination and having access to termination services empowers women in making the decisions in their lives that they feel are right for them. Often these decisions are made in the context of relationships and employment opportunities.
3. Australia is so far behind.... it is a disgrace that in a developed country to have such antiquated laws.... Come on Australia, it is supposed to be a modern country....
4. Pro-choice means that the medical community can freely offer the services required by pro-choice women
The list could continue...
Simone’s story…
I still very clearly remember the day when I found out I was pregnant. I was 23 and had recently separated from Tom who I had been living with for a year. I took one look at the pregnancy test and was in shock, but I knew that I didn’t want to continue with the pregnancy.
I had certain ideals in my mind of what kind of a life I wanted to provide for my child, and what kind of mother I wanted to be. After sitting down and analysing my situation at the time, it was obvious that I was far from meeting those. I also knew that if I was going to have a child with Tom then we would need to trust and commit to each other. But I knew I couldn’t rely on him. To add to this, he would never have been my first pick as the father of my child. I spoke to Tom about the pregnancy. He made it clear he preferred me not to go ahead with it, but he said he’d support whatever decision I made.
After talking it through with a close friend, I decided to have an abortion. I rang a clinic nearby and booked in to have a termination the next week. I was 8 weeks pregnant. The doctor and nursing staff at the clinic were lovely and went out of their way to ensure that I understood everything to do with the procedure. They also asked me why I wanted a termination, discussed my decision with me at length and explained that I could change my mind at any time. But I was confident I was making the best decision for me at the time.
Even today I still feel I made the right decision.
The recent debate on abortion has brought back a lot of memories for me and it has also made me stop and reflect on the tragic fact that abortion is still a crime in Victoria. I don’t feel I committed a crime. What I did was exercised my right to decide when I would become a mother by undertaking a common medical procedure performed by an experienced doctor.
Only a handful of people know that I have had a termination. This is firstly because it is a very personal decision but also because I think there’s probably still a real stigma attached to it in society - which isn’t at all helped by the law. Having a look at the media on the issue to date, I haven’t really heard many women’s voices, just a lot of politicians (mainly men) airing their own views about what is right and what isn’t.
As a Victorian woman who very capably made the decision to have a termination, I strongly believe that abortion should be removed from the Crimes Act. If a woman decides to have an abortion, it’s no one’s business but hers and her doctor’s and anyone else she decides to tell. The decision itself is difficult enough without everyone involved looking nervous and writing answers on forms so no one goes to gaol.
Christine's story...
Why do I support the choice of women to decide if they require an abortion? My reasoning is based on compassionate and ethical grounds.
I have never had an abortion, however, I believe this choice should always be available to any woman who decides it is necessary. It is their decision to make, not mine. Every woman must decide for herself, based upon her circumstances and that of the prospective child. This decision cannot ever be considered to be lightly made. Consider the available options:
Option 1. Placement of child into an institution
Statistics show that children in institutions and foster care are frequently subjected to harsh and punitive treatment and/or sexual abuse. Studies indicate that many of these children suffer lifelong trauma and personality disorders as a result. Would any caring mother wish to choose this option ... and does the child have a choice?
Option 2. Keeping the child
Women are in the best position to know their circumstances fully - perhaps the father of the child is violent, psychologically abusive, unfit, or unwilling to be a parent. Who is prepared to bring a child into such an unsuitable situation? Would that be a responsible choice? Would this option allow for development in a loving, stable and nurturing environment?
Option 3. Relinquishing the child for adoption
While this may seem a reasonable choice to some, please remember that there are already far too many sad and deprived little children waiting within institutional walls. Children who are past the baby stage still need caring homes. If a couple genuinely want a child they could look no further. The 'baby market' of adoption is not the answer. If you were the child in question would you want to be taken from your mother at birth, separated from your natural family ... and placed up for adoption?
No ... no and no! Abortion is a far better option.
There are many reasons why an abortion may be preferable. Financial circumstances, homelessness, poor health, unstable partnership or lack of support, family size, care needs of other children/family members, severe physical or mental impairment in the developed foetus etc. The choice to terminate an unplanned pregnancy, for whatever reason, is something that only the person involved can decide upon.
I find it truly disturbing that the State should regulate women's lives to such an extent as to actively deny abortion, except upon their own limited terms. It would be a hard enough decision for any woman to make; the sooner that decision is made and acted upon, the better.
The State should provide facilitated access to safe medical facilities, allowing for the operation to be performed as soon as possible. This is vital to the health and safety of women. Too many lives have already been lost through backyard abortions. Will the State take responsibility for the cost in women's lives, due to the fear of criminal proceedings since the Cairns arrests? (I think not) Decriminalisation of abortion is compassionate, ethical ... and long overdue!
Rachel's story...
In July 1978, I was a single Mom and realized that I was ovulating just hours after I had had unprotected sex. I went to my doctor and she prescribed the "day after pill" which brought on my period within days. Yes, the "day after pill" was available in Canada since at least that time.
If the "day after pill" was available in Australia it would eliminate costly, embarrasing and heart wrenching anxiety in women who find that the time is just not right to have a child.
Edna’s story…
In 1942 Edna Lavilla Haynes died from a backyard abortion. She was thirty-five years old with five children, two of them illegitimate. After her death the children lost contact and Edna was never mentioned again.
Her youngest daughter had no photos, no memories; only the recollection of a newspaper being hidden away and the family's shame. More than sixty years later Edna's grand-daughter, ABC radio journalist Euridice Aroney, looks for clues. Her search that takes us through police files and government records, down Sydney's back alleys of the 1940s, where one in four pregnancies ended in abortion and sometimes death.
This program won Best Radio Feature in the Australian Walkley Awards 2007 and was highly commended at the Third Coast International Audio Festival in Chicago 2007. Read the ABC Radio Eye story The Search for Edna Lavilla.